Be Inspired

Restoration

-What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.

-Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves.

*Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you read my last post, it was about the heartache associated with learning that someone I loved was duplicitious in our relationship.  In the weeks that have passed, I heard a lot of talk from my friends and family that I should experience hurt from the situation for quite some time. 

Can I be honest and just tell you the truth that I simply did not want to dwell on it after the initial shock?  I had to make a choice between being a victim, martyr, or decide to be over it.  I had to face the fact that the only person I would be punishing is myself. Why put more personal energy into a relationship that ended on such bad terms?  Life is far too brief. What would be the point in holding onto the past after being given the knowledge I needed to set myself free from a disasterous situation? 

I had to take control over my thoughts and it isn't as easy as it seems but it can be done. I still have waking moments that force me to reflect on my experiences with this individual. Apparently, there were always red flags but I never recognized one until after the fact. My point is that while I still feel this it is experienced in a more distanced way. I am no longer letting it disrupt my sleeping, eating, or allowing it to infect my mind with worry and regret.

This is how I interpret everything today: While I will never respect his decisions and actions; we were completely incompatable and forged a relationship that would never last. Our Definitions of Love were different enough to make us lose faith in each other a long time ago.  

Growing Pains

When I was a little girl I had the worst growing pains.  I would wake up in the middle of the night in such anguish because my legs hurt so badly. Surprisingly, I am not tall but what everyone told me about the pain made me think that one day I would be.

I feel like a small child again, crying out in pain because I am still growing and there isn't anything that can be done. It simply has to happen. Whatever I am going through, while extremely unpleasant, is part of some process and learning experience.

Today would be our two year anniversary and I learned beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has been in another relationship for several months.  He would tell her he was in Oklahoma because he wanted to spend the weekend with me and then drop me off at the airport only to meet her.  He took her out of town on Christmas weekend while I was visiting my family in Ohio. 

There is so much more but I don't feel the need to rant...my family and friends have been gracious enough to listen and comfort me in my time of need. Even my last post serves as a reminder of my hopes for 2010 and this situation doesn't change my goals one bit. 

Sounds kind of strong but it is only because I know that I dodged a bullet. In all honesty,  I am heartbroken, saddened, and confused by the whole situation.  I thought we would get married but the only time that discussion resurfaced again is when his hand was caught in the cookie jar.  I ingratiated myself placing all of the blame for this on me and that was wrong too.

I know this is a pain that I am experiencing right now but I am determined to learn and grow from it.  After all, that is how this blog got started in the first place.

Productive and Joyous Living: My personal thoughts and goals for 2010

Financial:

Improving my financial situation has a direct relationship with my effort at work. After a lengthy period of unemployment, I eventually fell behind. While I have been catching up the last few months that doesn't mean that I am content with the debt I have accrued. In my job there are monetary incentives for achieving my quota.  Therefore, as I focus wholeheartedly on the objectives outlined in my job description, I will achieve a greater sense of personal fulfillment. The natural by-product is a larger commission check.  Maintaining a consistently high level of execution could lend itself to exceeding quota for the bonus commission rate.  I love my career and hold everyone I work with in the highest esteem.  Everything is aligned for success in this area of my life.

Emotional:

I need to remind myself daily that I am in control of my thoughts as they will directly affect the nature and purpose behind my activities. When I choose to dwell on the negative, it reflects in my personal nature...After the ugly eye surgery and then not having a job, I was overwhelmingly negative. I thought I hid it fairly well from my friends and family but as my situation got better so did my attitude and everyone noticed the difference in me. I know people that have been through far worse and they are positive thinkers to the core.  I am striving to be more like that. Which leads me to this next thought: I want to have a better understanding of what my purpose is in life. Surely it has to be greater than what I can see from this vantage point coming from a perpetual state of anxiety. I just need to wake up every day with the intention and hope that nearly all of the actions I take should promote a sense of well-being and accomplishment. Part of that is taking time to communicate with God and listen.   

Relationships:

I want to treat all of my relationships with a deeper respect and have a greater sense of urgency for expressing my gratitude and love for the people in my life who mean so much.  If I feel like calling someone I haven't spoken to in a while, I won't to put it off like a fleeting thought or feel guilty because it has been so long. Likewise, if someone calls me that I haven't talked to in years, I am going to pick up the phone.  It is the honorable thing to do and I will listen.

I will offer to help willingly before being asked if it is within my power to do so.

I want to take the time to form stronger bonds all year long with my family rather than waiting for holidays.

Body and Soul: A little about the past and goals for the future

I haven't been so good to myself. I thought not having the funds for pedicures, expensive haircuts, and botox made me less attractive when infact, other than longer hair, not much has changed.  Now that I can afford a few things here and there, they don't own me.  Beyond all of the superficial add-ons and expensive make-up, I learned that I want to treat my body with all of the respect it deserves. This form I am in has been abused, misused, and negatively viewed for as long as I can remember. Fantastic toenails and a gorgeous coif are nice but they don't define me anymore.

I just thought of an analogy: We invest in a car to get us from place to place. We pay for insurance, wash it,  sometimes even adore it as the vehicle that defines our status. All the while the check engine light could be on.  

I treated my physical appearance similarly and having less helped me come to realize the truth about where I was running low:  Self-esteem. I blamed it on not having all of the tools but I was reaching for the wrong toolbox.

Conclusion:

I want to enjoy the new vision I have for 2010: To be stronger and more viable than ever rather than pine away for regrets, lost causes and even my old best friend, Youth. I want to mature gracefully by taking better care of every aspect of my life and do so productively and joyfully so I can share my wisdom with the next generation of my family. That is my mission.

Profashional Makeup Review for Lean Purses: 2009

This year's Profashional Makeup Review is designed for lean purses.

With the advent of the economy, I haven't reviewed as many high-end products for one purpose as in the past but I will re-affirm some of my previous selections and offer some alternatives at a lower price point.

This year I will highlight what I think is essential first.

Teeth:

No matter what, buy a Sonic Toothbrush. The vibrating toothbrushes aren't quite the same. The Sonic technology vibrates/removes the majority of plaque from the surface as well as the gum line and between the teeth. The initial investment is about 100 dollars but it lasts for years. While replacement heads are necessary and more pricey than a traditional toothbrush, it is a lot cheaper than cavities, scaling beneath the gums and other expensive dental procedures that could all be avoided with the correct toothbrush.   Don't be fooled by imitations! 

Vitamins:

I have grown fond of the Emergen-C packets over the years because I like the flavors and they do offer a good morning boost of B and C; however they don't offer much in the way of minerals and anti-oxidants.  An affordable option that I think works better for me than some of the more well known brands is Just Once Women's One Multivitamin and Mineral. One thing that I like about this product is that it never seems to upset my stomach or give me a headache. I bought this at a local chain pharmacy.

Just to name a few supplements that I always keep on hand and take almost every day: Iron, Dandelion Root, Milk Thistle, CoQ10, Viactiv Calcium chews, Omegas, SAM-e & Probiotics.  

A few months ago, I took about 3-4 weeks to change my diet completely. The effects were profound. No matter how many supplements I take now with my current eating habits, there is nothing better than the pure diet which consisted only of whole foods and was wheat, gluten, alcohol, caffeine, sugar, dairy, meat, and all processed things free. I can't tell you that I was always satisfied with brown rice, oatmeal and miso soup but I learned to add fresh pico and avocado to my rice and make it extremely tasty. What I learned is that I was obsessed with food and the accessibility to it. It took a few weeks to create a delectable table with only fresh ingredients. But even so, I could chomp all day and never get above 1200 calories.

If you want the information that I was given from a Doctor as it was the same diet he offered to my friend with Chrons disease I will be happy to share that with you if asked.  

Body:

Shea Butter...I still swear by it after all these years. I use straight shea butter from the tin and it keeps my skin extremely soft but I have always had skin reactions and as long as I use that I don't get dry skin in the winter or allergic skin on bare legs in the summer. Plus, I think it has some sort of natural sunscreen although that is not documented.

Jergens Natural Glow with Firming is the other daily body moisturizer that I use. I like it a lot for keeping a believable color.  One thing to be mindful of in any body creme is that one of the main ingredients is alcohol. The same is true for Jergens but it seems to work for me because of all of the other essential extracts and I think their claim to visible firming is fair.  I have used a lot of other lotions and they don't seem to work as well as Jergens if I run out of Shea Butter.

Shaving:

Well, it all goes back to Shea Butter...If you can find a cream that has this in the mix with less of the alcohol and menthol products, women are likely to get a closer shave. Follow that with Shea Butter and your skin will be so soft, you can skip a day. 'Nuff Said.

Skincare:

I recently found a few product lines that I like but I don't really have a favorite.  If you are used to spending about 500-1000/year on skincare products, invest it in treatments and buy the less expensive products in the drugstore.  If you don't have an aesthetician, go for Kate Somerville. It is a product line you can buy in Neiman's, Bliss Spa or at her website.  Her products are less than Department Store Brands and most are just above the price of the High End Drug Store Brands; however, I really think that you should take advantage of a facial event if you can get to one.  If not...Don't fear. That is why I am here. 

The 3 Kate Somerville Must Have's In My Humble Opinion:  ExfoliKate, Vitamin, & Quench. But don't be afraid to buy the entire line as you won't be disappointed. 

If you or someone you love has really clogged pores, pimples, and or fine lines but also needs a simple regimen and you can help them with that, I have another favorite recommendation which is SkinAuthority. They have a beginner set with the cleanser, pore/anti-bacterial treatment with a vitamin C chaser followed with a really nice Sunscreen/Moisturizer with SPF 30. The starter Kit is about 100 dollars and last about 4 months. I like this solution a lot because it works!

Foundation:

I still use Armani Silk Foundation although I have tried nearly everything including mineral foundations on the market.  I never liked Bare Minerals but also tried Bare Essentials because my Mom gave gave it to me. Truth is, it looks FABULOUS on her! She is very pale and if she gets flushed her cheeks and nose get red but not with Bare Essentials. I am so happy because she enjoys wearing makeup again.

Hate it but Love it Category:

Maybelline Dream Liquid Mousse advertises very correctly. This is the closest an average consumer can get to a true airbrush finish. It works BUT you can't even wash it off of your hands after application. Imagine how deep it gets into your pores? Yes, I still use it for events, holidays and photographs! Are You KIDDING ME?  I like flawless, but if I strived for that every day, I would create more flaws than even the best foundation could hide.

Hair:

There was never any need to spend a lot of money on hair products. The most simple of ingredients which are likely in your household will sooth and smooth EVERY type of hair. There are two recipes but I recommend the second:

1. Olive Oil (1- 2 TBS depending on length) &  (1 Cup) Real Mayonaisse. Apply to hair, wet or dry and use the warmth of the hair dryer to bind the oils to the hair shaft. Rinse Repeatedly to remove the mayo smell.

2. Olive Oil (1-2 TBS depending on length) & One egg or two egg yolks. Avoid heat unless you want to become a meringue. Some people add a beer rinse and others like simple room temperature water.  In the beauty pageant days, my friends and I collected rain water because it was supposed to make you hair more shiney.  Fun.

Other fun facts about hair: Girls with long hair can brush it with corn starch and it is more shiney, healthy-looking and full of body than ever versus washing it every day. Although I don't recommend doing this in your bathroom it is an easy fix especially if you are a blonde and purchase the same pure corn starch that is on the shelf for babies because the white powder is intended to be brushed out. A person with any other color hair could do the same however some of the powder might be noticable on the scalp so there are a lot of colored products that offer similar effects with the power of a aerosol can to boost the roots..

Ooh La La. 

I hope you enjoyed my post.  Let me know if you have any questions. I would love to share that diet that I mentioned from a Chinese Physician if there is enough interest.

Winter Dream

I have very unusual dreams. They have a beginning, middle, and end much like a short story in a book. I often wake up when one ends, ponder it for a few minutes searching for some introspective link to my psyche and go back to sleep. Hey! If my subconcious mind is doing all of the work, why worry about it? Last night was unique because I had 3 such dreams in a row but the final one woke me up, not just because I had completed a story-cycle but also because I broke out in laughter. I considered writing about it this morning at 6:30 but wanted to see if the memory would last all day: 

It all started with an excursion with a group of people. None of which I would recognize but in my dream they were my friends. We were hiking or exploring a very icy terrain when a few individuals realized that their passports were missing so we decided that we were going to Canada but the park officials were hot on our trail. Once we realized that was happening it was like a grand adventure to escape and I left my bright blue back pack in the snow joining into the hijinks and pretending that I was also part of the defection. 

We did everything to get to Canada. Hiding in caves evading the people searching for us and eventually we reached the final test; an upside down L-shaped lake between two mountains. It was glassy and glacial blue.  Everyone else started to swim but I combined skipping and running across the water to reach the Consolate. Time was of the essence as we were being chased.  In my dream state I was able to combine my ambition to succeed with skills that aren't humanly possible.

Once we arrived, there was a check-in procedure much like an airport and our group of 12 or more was expecting some sort of document that needed to be issued and then signed by us before being activated. At this point, the officials were hot on our trail and as we were intermingled with numerous others presenting their documents for acceptance we all tried to blend in and not look too anxious. All I had was my college identification but the woman at the desk was deeply concerned and offered everyone in my group hospice.

Trying to avoid detection, we secretly handed the only pen in our group to each other so we could sign the pass to our freedom because the situation was still precarious. One of the agents in pursuit had his eyes on me. I sat at a table trying to look casual and sign it beyond his watchful eyes. Of course, we were all soaking wet and freezing so it was hard to avoid detection. He came over to me and requested that I present it before it was signed. I had to stand up and I looked deep into his eyes and told him the situation. I lost my Passport during the trip. He explained that they found a blue backpack but there was no identification or passport. I thought to myself that I had tossed the back pack for the adventure but never really thought about the consequences.

 I promised that I would be able to find my documents if he could take me to the last camping site where we ditched everything. At this point, he cuffed my left arm and for some bizarre reason, I held up my arm and asked my friends that made it to at least take a picture for Pete's sake! At that point he leaned up against the left side of my hip and detected that I had something square in my back pocket.

It was my PASSPORT but I was too cold to ever realize that it was there the whole time. And then, I proclaimed,  "false arrest and imprisonment" as a joke and the entire room went into fits of laughter.

And that is how I woke up... 

the power of the written word

America was founded because people wrote it into being. Our Founding Fathers created a Declaration of Independance. Their signatures bound them to their agreement. 

As we collectively move forward with the digital times, how much of that reverence will be lost? Every time I want to do any transaction online, I must click on a checkbox to accept the terms. That becomes my signature for all time... I have to accept, accept, and accept IF I want to pay my bills online, purchase a plane ticket or subscribe to anything.

Not only that, but an online agreement in these troubled times could also mean that we could be unsuspectingly allowing higher interest rates and elevated fees just for trying to pay our bills in the most  effecient manner (I am speaking from experience).

When do I get to sign my name again, like my Great, Great, Great, Grandfather who has a statue in Beaver Falls, PA? Surely, he would have something to say about all of this sillyness about being forced to agree to terms only to PAY a creditor... Why do they get all of the protection? Why can't I develop something similar so when they automate a withdrawel from my account, they have to agree and accept all of my terms and conditions?

For example: No, you cannot charge me $175.00 for changing service providers because your didn't service me in all of the locations I needed your service.

Just a thought.

BFF

 my dearest friend

and confidant

our friendship's old

but we are not

Suze, it was so great to spend time with you and have you be a part of my life when I needed you the most. Who would have thought that you would be in Dallas on such short notice but perfect timing, nonetheless?  I am so grateful and we had a heck of a lot of fun too :-)

Abundance and The "Santa Clause"

Abundance is a word that seems neglected and one rarely used in the shadow of our economic woes but it may be possible to use that word in a Thanksgiving Blessing.  I personally accredit all abundance to God and I do believe that there is always a divine hand in meeting my needs in every aspect of my life.

The Holiday Season is approaching and before the Halloween candy is consumed, the "Santa Clause" can put a lot of families in an even worse financial situation.  I know there is a lot of pressure to buy popular gifts for the children but if it means more credit than you can handle, don't do it.  Please.

Simple advice, right? But we all know how easy it is to go over budget and as consumers we easily accept the debt thinking only of the happy faces rather than our credit scores.  Right now, our credit is precarious.  I have a friend who works at a bank and she can barely give a small business or personal loan to someone with a 789+.  Things aren't going to get any easier in the near future. Just think about your mail...That is a good reference point. Consider how many offers you used to receive on a weekly basis versus the last 3 months?   On the average, I am guessing it is far less than before.

I have a very large family and a lot of gifts that I should buy, but not one will be without the purpose of saving them money.  One of my favorites is Debbie Meyer Green Bags and containers.  All fruits and veggies stay fresh longer. I have tested it myself and I have been extremely impressed with the value.  My 5 nieces and nephews probably won't care how long their bananas are fresh but I am still trying to find a creative way to impart good financial values to the 9 and under crowd. 

Ideas???

Imperfections

If you are anything like me, you may go to great lengths to hide your imperfections unaware that sometimes people like you more because of them.  Can you recall developing a new relationship because you were both so perfect? Or do you remember growing friendships from sharing life experiences?  It seems kind of simple, really, but only showing the world what we want to about ourselves can often leave us lonely.  The walls that were constructed to protect also serve as barriers. Unfortunately, the infallibility that was projected disappoints the people that believed that you were without fault and they will be the first to judge when you need them.  The friends you really should have called were pushed aside due to your pride.  You know that they would have offered you more but you didn't want to bother them.  The same people that knew most of your faults, and even shared them, seemed too far away to understand the situation.  Nothing could be further from the truth as I have discovered.

Pride (in my situation) meant that I hid from the people I respected the most because I didn't want them to think less of me for asking for support. Ironically, they probably wouldn't even be my friends if we didn't already share a lot in common; imperfections and all of the good qualities too.  So, reaching out is part of the friendship. It took me a long time to understand friendship in its reciprocal form but I am so grateful that when I finally reached out, everyone was there like a safety net, reminding me that while I may be down, I wasn't out.

And the message I needed to learn is this:

First, admit that you need your friends because they care about you.

Second, listen to everything encouraging they say because they now they understand your situation.

Third, repeat steps 1 and 2 as often as needed.  True friends don't mind.

Thank you Paul, Suzanne, Rachael, Brittney, Lisa T, Lisa P, Monica, Brent, Kyle, Patrick, Alex, Billy, Marco, Jeff, McCrea, Elizabeth, Victor, Andrew, Brother, Mom, Dad and evereryone for being so "perfect" you when I needed you most.

Jury Duty: The most unusual way to be dismissed & slightly funny

I had to knock on wood when one of my colleagues was summoned for Jury Duty. It dawned on me that I had never been selected and deep down I knew my time was coming...Just a few months later a summons arrived and I made my way to the Dallas Courthouse along with over 1,000 other individuals. We were shown a film and learned that Dallas was one of the first to establish a "one day system" in which the jurors are selected in one day. There are about 300 individuals per trial but the first 32 in each room are the most important. A jury consists of 12 peers and both the District Attorny and the Defense Attorney are able to eliminate up to 10 people.  I was number 9.

We filled out questionnaires and the judge asked each row about different scenarios after reading the facts regarding the case.  I never considered that I would be hesitant to make a judgement regarding sentencing. This particular crime was 5 to Life and I felt not only responsible for the person who was the victim and their sense of justice but equally concerned for the alleged criminal and if I would be willing to accept a 5 (which could end up as time served and probation) OR up to 99 years in prison. That is a BIG range!  I realized that I did not know how to quantify criminal activity any more than the system but as they released us for lunch, I had to take solace in my belief that I am a fair person and was willing to serve as a juror.

My heart was heavy with responsibility as I stepped off of the elevator to return to the courtroom. One foot was planted on the ground and it took a moment to realize that fluid was filling my shoe. Before I could stabilize myself or even see the water on the floor, people were pushing past me and I soared like I was on a water ride, landing belly down.  The depth of the water added some cushion and my left arm naturally moved under my jaw ultimately protecting my head. 

I was soaked quite literally from head to toe but I was not in any immediate pain, just stunned and embarrassed.  With all of the commotion, I headed straight to the Ladies Room only to find that there were no paper towels. I was wearing an all black ensemble. The material hid but aslo held the disgusting waters.  There were medics already there because of the flooding and other falls  but I was told that I needed to report to court.  One of the Officers was kind enough to take me into another area and provide me with tons of paper towels.  Because I was wearing all black, I don't think they realized just how dripping wet I was.  One touch with a half a roll of paper and it was soaked!  He was kind enough to do his best to get me out of jury duty.  It was so cold already and I was shivering at this point but due to the fact that I was one of the first 32 jurors, both the DA and the Defense had to agree that I should be eliminated. The Judge had to put my situation on the record and I assured him that I was fine.....

But the final question after I had been relieved from jury duty was, "Are you certain you are OK Ms. Chapman?"  I responded with, "Yes, Your Honor, I am just glad I wasn't wearing white today...OOH LA LA!" 

Everyone laughed. That was on the Record!