I haven't shared this information with many people simply because I have been too broken-hearted to discuss it. My Great-Grandma that I mentioned in a recent post passed away around the same time that I wrote that. Unfortunately, I wasn't informed of her passing just as I was excluded from the knowledge of my Great-Grandpa's death. You are probably wondering, "How could that be?"
The people that I speak of had no children of their own and yet they had hearts that could allow them to encompass people and create a family joined with joy, love, and a true sense of belonging. My mother and I were 'adopted' by them when I was less than 2 years old and in great need of their affection. They never, ever turned their back on us even though they could.
Unfortunately, there were too many people that didn't comprehend our impromtu family and we always received a certain amount of segregation from it. I guess I didn't truly understand how much Bob and Helen sacrificed as individuals from the perspective that they were alienated from the friends that they had prior to our finding each other. While Bob and Helen were always respected as the elders of the church, I sometimes felt that we were deemed somewhat unworthy by the rest of the congregation. I saw this more clearly when I lived with them in college.
Bob and Helen were so determined to provide me with the solidarity and a future that I was worthy of but could not easily accomplish in my current circumstances at the time. I did everything I could to become the person I am today. I wanted to look back and know that this day when they are too far away from me to reach that they would never be disappointed or regret anything that they ever did for me. I want so much to be an example of their love and genuine kindness.
They had the wisdom and perspective that I didn't posess but were never afraid to share it with me. In turn, when asked, I would share my position with them and there were times when we would exchange our viewpoints based on each others understanding. When I say exchange, I mean that we were each so convincing and open-minded that we would respect and consider the opposing perspective enough to accept it. I guess that implies that there really was no black and white. Even in their eighties, they could still find value in my understanding of contemporary issues. And to this day, I share their viewpoints on many issues.
It is a lovely day because I know that my Grandma and Grandpa are reunited. I have felt very alone since my Grandpa passed and it was worse as my Grandma deteriorated. But I can't imagine the pain of their separation from each other combined with the indignities of old age that confined my Grandma to a bed and a feeding tube.
I heard from another family member about the obituary several weeks after it was listed yet, the date of the Memorial Service was not determined. My Mom and I decided that we didn't need those people that always showed their discontent with our presence to remember the two individuals that had the most important positive impact upon our lives that anyone could ever imagine.
We didn't need invited to their service. They will remember for only a moment while we have created lifetimes based upon their example. My cup runneth over as I think about every little joy and pleasure they granted me. I have this dresser that I will never part with as it was in their home all of my life. Every time I came home from Texas, there was a little Avon gift or two for me in the top drawer. My Grandma used to watch me run to it after the biggest welcoming hugs you could ever imagine and I would find the most wonderful trinkets. I still have most of them.
Of the multidude of things I have to thank them for, I am extremely thankful for learning the values of compassion and respect for every living creature. They opened their arms not just to us but everyone else that was ignored or dismissed and never left them behind to be judged. They just LOVED. I have to also express gratitude for the pleasure they instilled in me for classical music and opera. It is a joy that I cannot imagine living without.
In closing, they live on because there is no one that will ever know me that will not know a part of the goodness of them.
The life that you live is indeed a tribute to the love that they have given you and the wishes they had for your future. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Etchen | October 24, 2005 at 08:35 AM
I remember reading that post. I appreciate your kind words.
Posted by: Kytari | October 24, 2005 at 08:17 AM
As someone who lost his lone remaining grandparent this year, I can relate to much of your story. Thanks for sharing your feelings.
Bill
Posted by: Bill Eisenhauer | October 23, 2005 at 09:24 PM