Restoration

-What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.

-Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves.

*Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you read my last post, it was about the heartache associated with learning that someone I loved was duplicitious in our relationship.  In the weeks that have passed, I heard a lot of talk from my friends and family that I should experience hurt from the situation for quite some time. 

Can I be honest and just tell you the truth that I simply did not want to dwell on it after the initial shock?  I had to make a choice between being a victim, martyr, or decide to be over it.  I had to face the fact that the only person I would be punishing is myself. Why put more personal energy into a relationship that ended on such bad terms?  Life is far too brief. What would be the point in holding onto the past after being given the knowledge I needed to set myself free from a disasterous situation? 

I had to take control over my thoughts and it isn't as easy as it seems but it can be done. I still have waking moments that force me to reflect on my experiences with this individual. Apparently, there were always red flags but I never recognized one until after the fact. My point is that while I still feel this it is experienced in a more distanced way. I am no longer letting it disrupt my sleeping, eating, or allowing it to infect my mind with worry and regret.

This is how I interpret everything today: While I will never respect his decisions and actions; we were completely incompatable and forged a relationship that would never last. Our Definitions of Love were different enough to make us lose faith in each other a long time ago.